Do you ever have those times that feel impossibly stagnant?

I mean, no matter how much effort you give or how much momentum you've gained you just can't seem to feel any progress inwardly? This is where I've found myself recently. Yeah, I'm just getting honest for a moment so hang in there with me.

* I decided to post this one today because it's eerily similar to my last night. Some things never change. :)

October, 2013. 

I never slept last night.

Oh, I had every intention of sleeping. There's no way a sane woman forsakes sleep when she is the mother of two boys just this side of full-blown bonkers, or when her husband will be leaving town for the weekend, abandoning her to the children, the laundry, the dishes; the post-apocalyptic-looking house.

August, 2013

I ALREADY MISS THEM.

They are only a few miles down the road, but the house is too quiet to enjoy, and I miss them. Elias and Ellery will be at Granna & Grandpa's this week, which means they will prove, once again, that they love grandparents more than us, and Jonathan & I will enjoy each other while missing them. But this is good. It's good to miss something, to long for something. I guess that's where the hopeful curse comes into play, the one we share with all creation.

I don't know that I add anything new

Or that offering my voice, again, is remotely helpful. I really don't know. But here's what I do know; I am exhausted with grief and sadness. And if I am exhausted, I cannot begin to know how exhausted my black brothers and sisters are. I can't begin to experience the level of anxiety that affects their daily interactions, the level of strength it must take to sometimes silently endure ill-timed or ignorant remarks from well-meaning but misinformed white people like myself.

I LOVE HIM FOR A MILLION REASONS, NOT LEAST OF WHICH ARE THESE:

1. He humbly cleans our house a thousand times over because our children don't know that they don't have to see everything they own all the time in order for it to count. And because I am working more hours than I should right now.

(Yes, you read that correctly. Boyz II Men.)

This review is a day late and I don’t feel the least bit bad about it. Because the week was in. sane. and I am just now able to get my head around much of it.

Ever have that feeling of working from a deficit? If you say “no,” I want to cause you physical harm and then learn your ways. Last week started from a deficit in many ways. It’s a shame that I can’t fully enjoy Labor Day, a day for all the hardworking people to just take a breather, because I’m thinking about how far behind it will put me.